Meet Jen

I'd like to introduce you to my friend Jen.  She and her husband, along with their adorable little girl LeYanna, are the Resident Directors of the only co-ed dorm on my college campus.  Now Jen was never my RD, but I always seemed to have lots of friends that lived in her dorm or were on her RA teams, so I wound up spending a significant amount of time over there, chilling in the lobby or hanging out with that RA team.

Some time ago, I decided that I wanted to be like Jen when I grew up.  One of things I loved about spending time at Jen and Cory's apartment was that as soon as I walked in the door, I felt comfortable.  I knew that it was a place where I could kick off my shoes, curl up on the couch with a blanket, put my feet on the furniture, and snack on the M&Ms on the kitchen counter.  Jen and Cory's door was always open (figuratively).  They know that God has placed them in a unique role of ministering to college students and they have embraced that calling whole-heartedly, choosing to roll with all the quirks that come with being a 30-something couple who still lives in a college dorm.

Take today for example.  I wrote a note on Jen's Facebook wall asking if we could get together for a coffee date the next time I was in town so that I could pick her brain about things like going to seminary.  (She's a girl who is going to seminary for fun.  We have a lot in common.)  She immediately responded that yes, she'd love to get together, but that she doesn't love coffee, so we'd have to get her a Coke instead.  Or I could just come over to her house and hang out.  You have to keep in mind that I was never one of her RAs or even one of her residents.  I'm just a washed-up-ex-RA who graduated and now doesn't know what to do with her life, and Jen is still willing to open her home, spend a few hours with me, and be my friend.

I want to be a person like that.  I want to be a person who opens their life and home to people.  I want my home to be a comfortable place where people can put their feet on the furniture and eat the M&Ms.  I want my priorities in life to be on loving people and helping those people to love Jesus more.

Another thing that I love about Jen though, which is probably more important than feet-on-the-furniture and M&Ms, is her honesty.  All you have to do is scroll through my FB news feed and you'll see lots of statuses from young wives and moms going on and on about how great their husband and/or children are.  Now, I'm glad that these people enjoy their families, and I'm definitely NOT a fan of people who complain about their lives all the time, but Jen has an incredible ability to be honest about the struggles in her life, and yet not be a complainer or a Debbie Downer.  She loves her husband to death, but doesn't gloss over the fact that marriage is hard.  She adores her daughter, but doesn't hide the fact that 3am feedings are a total pain in the butt, and that being a mom is exhausting.  She loves the Lord deeply, but doesn't pretend that walking with Jesus is always easy and full of sunshine and rainbows.

Jen's honesty makes her such a great role model for the young women she mentors.  If you talk to most girls at a Christian college, they're obsessed with getting married to the perfect Christian guy who takes them on sweet dates all the time, never farts, and always puts the toilet seat down.  I love to hear Jen's perspective on things, because she can be a dreamy girl, but with a healthy dose of reality thrown in.

I'm grateful to have people like Jen in my life, and I hope and pray that I can be the sort of friend to others that she has been to me.

Someone Else's Words

Sometimes Leana Tankersley puts my feelings into words so eloquently that I swear she's living inside my head.

Ultimately, I realized how isolated I was feeling. And while we are settling here and we are making this house our home and this place our place, I’m still fragile and vulnerable in all the worst ways . . . I felt stuck here. If you’ve ever felt stuck, you know what a terrible feeling it is to believe you are trapped and powerless . . . I’ve learned one thing in my life and that is when feelings as strong as these surface, you’d better pay attention because stuffing them back down will create something intensely toxic . . . 

So I just tried my very best to feel what I was feeling and not try to explain it away or “yeah, but we’re so blessed” it to death or try to manufacture resolution with the “God brought us here” pleasantries or slap a “God has something to teach me right now” on it . . . because doing any of these things prematurely will just backfire . . .

And I got through it. In the very ugly way that you get through sometimes. Lacking hygiene and cussing under your breath a lot. Eating fast food and sleeping with the lights on . . . 

( http://www.gypsyink.com/category/home/ )

I don't have any other words to add except to say that this resonates deeply with me and it makes such a difference to know that you're not the only person in the world that feels a certain way.  It makes the isolation shrink back into its dark corner just a little bit.

Good Memories

This morning it was raining when I got to work, and since I was a few minutes early, I laid my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes.

I always love the sound of rain on the roof, but this morning it reminded me of Mexico.

I remembered the sound of the rain on our car roof that first night on the road as we drove towards San Francisco with Ben, Kenji, and Matt singing "Tipsy" in the backseat and being so hyper and excited that we probably could have driven all night.

I remembered the sound of the rain on the tent roof in Técate as Megan and I huddled together amid the rapidly rising waters.

I remembered the sound of the rain on the van roof as all the girls slept sitting up after we got flooded out of our tent.

I remembered the sound of the rain on the shingled roof at our building site as we drug 2x4's through the mud.

I remembered being surrounded by friends.  I remembered being freezing cold and wet - the whole week.  I remembered laughing.  I remembered being outrageously dirty and smelling like campfire.  I remembered being really, really, indescribably happy.

I Do Not Like This Sam-I-Am

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe it's all the new pictures albums popping up on Facebook showcasing moments of fun, laughter, spontaneity - each picture capturing a moment, a memory.  Maybe it's thinking about my hall girls and seeing them not as the baby freshmen and sophomores I met a year ago, but as the confident sophomores and juniors who are stepping into positions of leadership on campus and preparing to invest in the lives of dozens more babies.  Maybe it's the moments I spent tonight reading through my friend Kerstyn's blog, and finding myself with a pit in my stomach as I read about her summer spent counseling at camp and living with her roommates in Boise - and I wanted to cry because the vast majority of my friends are in Salem, having adventures and making memories without me.

Selfish and petty maybe, but true.

Especially now that school has started, I would do almost anything to be able to go back to Salem.  I spent some time online tonight looking for jobs down there, but to no avail.  I miss having roommates and inviting friends over to watch a movie or make dinner.  I miss spontaneous late night beach trips on the weekends and going to WalMart at midnight and seeing at least four people I know.  I miss running at the sports center with Miranda and watching the oh-so-attractive Davidson boys play basketball on the gym floor below.  I miss being able to go to Gov Cup before work and be alone and journal and read until life made sense again.

I'm having a hard time putting into words what I so desperately miss about living in Oregon, but I know at the core that I miss the community I had there.  This is really hard to explain to people, because I do have a few friends here like Danny and Sean and Britton and Christina, but I don't have my solid girlfriends like my roommates who would let me cry about life without trying to fix it; or my guys that would make us coffee and drive to the beach with me at midnight.  I don't have my hall girls to sit around and talk about boys with, or the people like Pam and Jason who would let me sit on their couch and unwind every week.

We've already established on this blog what an extrovert and people-person I am, and without these significant relationships, I'm going crazy.  I'm ridiculously jealous of other college graduates who are living on their own with roommates who they get to share day-to-day life with.

But like I said, no one understands this.  They tell me I need to be grateful that I'm living at home and saving money, that I have a good job, that I have ministry opportunities at church, that I can go down to Salem on the weekends, and that I'm young and single and have all the opportunities in the world in front of me.  And I am grateful for all those things - very grateful, and I thank God for them.  But I feel like I'm not living.  I feel like I'm just existing - a very lonely existence at that.  Is this really what "real life" is?  Because if it is, I sure I don't like it.

Mood:  Sad
Music:  Mumford & Sons

Let's See How Far We've Come

For being as OCD as I am, I get distracted pretty easily.  Tonight as I was writing in my journal, I got the urge to read through some of the old entries and wound up reading the whole book.  In my twenty-two years of life on this earth, I have filled dozens of notebooks, but this particular volume of my life story started last October and covers the major events of my senior year of college.  Talk about a trip down recent memory lane . . . 


How quickly we forget what has happened in the past.  As I read the words I'd written in these past nine months, I realized that I had forgotten a lot of things.  Pain fades the further removed you are from it, and I'd forgotten just how truly painful and dark some of those months were.  Joy swelled in my heart though, as I found those entries that held a glimmer of hope in a dark and otherwise hopeless season.  I found myself being thankful again for those people whose names are recorded in this little brown book as those who helped me just barely keep my head above water when I thought I couldn't swim anymore - Joel, Pam, Jason, Stephanie, and Jill.  


There were good memories recorded in those pages too.  I laughed out loud as I read my accounts of spring break in Mexico - sleeping in a flooded tent with Megan, singing the "Friday" song in Justin's van, listening to Ben's stories around the campfire, and recording the "perfect man" interviews in the car with Ashlynn, Kenji, and Matt.  I felt a twinge of sadness as I read about the good times with my beloved 2nd Floor South girls, and realized that my days of being an RA are over forever.  


But best of all, I got to go through and scribble notes in the margins about how God has answered prayers.  There were specific prayers that I had written begging God for a friend - and He sent Megan and the rest of the Mexico crew.  There were times where I was desperately asking for the strength to make through the next moment, hour, day, week - and I made it.  There were moments of such deep discouragement that I was begging God for some little bit of hope or something to smile about - and the next day I would get an encouragement card in the mail or get to have lunch with Joel.  


Some prayers were answered in succinct, specific ways . . . there were circumstances I could point to or a day I could refer to where I knew my cries had been heard and God did something awesome for no other reason than the fact that He loves me. (I'm still not sure why He does, but I'm sure grateful!) But other times, the answer came over a long period of time and is even continuing to this day and beyond.


Case in point:  there were many entries where I was asking God to please confirm His calling in my life . . . did He really mean to call me to ministry or had there been some big mix-up in the heavenly "Life-Plan Book" and this calling was supposed to go to Corrie, not Carrie?  I didn't feel qualified for what He had asked me to do (I still don't) and pursuing a career where I knew I could be successful and "safe" sounded a whole lot more appealing at times.  


My December 28, 2009 entry ended with this question:

Would I be happy, content, and fulfilled if I was spending every day discipling, teaching, and telling kids about Jesus?  I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this and my really honest answer to that question right now is, "I don't know."  But I want to want that.

Six and a half months later I have a different answer to that question.  My answer is, "YES."  So much has happened in those months that God has used to give me a real passion and excitement for what He has called me to do.  From my experiences this year with my wonderful hall, to conversations with Godly men and women in ministry who have encouraged and affirmed me, to the discontent I felt when I suddenly wasn't involved in ministry anymore, I can definitely say that I've come a long ways this year.  Trust me, I definitely know that I haven't "arrived" yet (whatever that is) but it sure is nice to be able to look back and see progress and see how God really does work things together for His purposes.


Mood:  Reflective
Music:  Yellowcard

Big Dreams

Tomorrow my friend Brent is leaving for Europe for at least three months, maybe longer if he "accidently" misses his flight back to the US.  Tonight he posted a list on his blog entitled, "The Bucket List - 94 Things to do in 94 Days" detailing some of things he and his friends want to accomplish by the end of their epic trek through Europe.  As I read through the list, I found myself inspired.  Sure, some of the things were silly ("Bomb a hill on a longboard" and "Don't shower for a week straight") others were classic things you kinda have to do in Europe ("Drink Guinness in a Dublin bar" and "Attend mass in Rome"), some might be considered stupid ("Hitchhike" and "Stay the night on a stranger's couch"), and others were a bit more serious ("Share our testimony with a stranger" and "Be in the Word for 30 days straight").  


As I read though, I could see that this list described some of Brent's big dreams.  I mean seriously, who hasn't dreamed of sleeping in a castle, breaking 100 mph on the Autobahn, or snowboarding in the Alps?  But the difference between most of us and Brent, is that he is DOING IT.  It's the best time in his life to be going on this crazy adventure that most of us only dream about, and he's seizing the opportunity to do what Mark Twain says in this quote:

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover.   

How many times have I passed by opportunities for adventures and cool experiences simply because I was scared or I didn't have enough details to feel like I was in control of the situation?  I know the answer - it's a LOT.  I like details.  I like feeling like I'm at least somewhat in control of a situation.  I like having a plan, and knowing that I'm prepared for nearly every foreseeable possibility.  And while I fully believe that those types of details are important and that I shouldn't be foolishly running after every whim that catches my fancy, I know that I could probably benefit from a bit more spontaneity and willingness to pursue the passions God has given me more fervently.  


One of my coworkers and I were talking the other day about what we're passionate about, and what we dream of doing with our lives.  This conversation continued to make me think over the next few days and culminated in a very long journal entry one afternoon as I sat at Gov Cup drinking a cup of my favorite chai tea.  So here's a peek into my heart and my dreams - the things that make my heart beat faster, the things that I could talk about animatedly for hours on end, the things I'm passionate about, the things that I desire to have the courage to step out in faith and actually DO.

Last night while Alicia and I were talking, she asked me what my dreams were.  What was I passionate about?  And finally, I can answer that question.  Once I started talking, I almost couldn't stop.  I'm passionate about families.  My dream is to work with parents and children, helping them learn how to have healthy, meaningful relationships with each other.  I want to teach parents the importance of and how to be the primary faith trainers of their children - that it's not the church's job to teach their kids to love God, but that the church is there to partner with parents and work alongside them to train their children.  I want to use the church as a tool to create opportunities for kids and parents to have shared experiences and build stronger relationships as a result of spending time together talking, serving, worshipping, having fun, and learning from each other.  I have a dream of camps and retreats and events designed to give parents and kids the opportunity to actually get to know each other, learn to communicate with each other, spend time actually talking to each other away from the distractions of the cell phone, work, chores, and school.  I dream of helping families understand the value and importance of simple things like eating dinner together and having conversations about what is going on in each other's lives.  I dream of purity retreats that include parents AND their teenager tacking sexual integrity and relationship issues together and having these important conversations before the teen is thrown into the pressure cooker of friends, hormones, and media influences.  I want to see parents and teens not fighting over music, movies, and other media, but learning how to engage and exegete culture together.  I want to see a generation of families that knows how to communication, that has high emotional intelligence, that are learning about themselves, their gifts, and their passions and are encouraging and supporting each other's pursuit of those God-given dreams, gifts, and passions.  I believe that children who are raised in a healthy family and have learned good communication and emotional intelligence skills are going to be a whole heck of a lot more likely to pass on those healthy habits to their own families and children.  

So there you have it - a little glimpse of my own big dreams.  Unlike Brent, pursuing these dreams isn't quite as easy as packing my life into a backpack and jumping on a plane bound for London, but I want to DO IT.  Not just dream about it, and always say, "Someday."  Even though this is a long-term dream, I want to be making baby steps every day towards its fulfillment.  Right now that includes a lot of reading (a pretty fun baby step for me!), a lot of working on my own relationship with Christ, and a lot of becoming more aware of the problems and issues that plague families in the world around me.  I know that for the most part, I'm a hopeless optimist and idealist, and I would like to think that every family is capable of being fully functional and excited and willing to work on their relationships with each other, but I have to continually remind myself that that's not usually the case.  The excerpt from my journal entry above is me being outrageously idealistic, and I know that I need a good dash of realism thrown into the mix as well.  


But for now, this is where I am and these are the things about which I'm learning, discovering, and dreaming.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a pile of books to read.


Mood:  Contemplative
Music:  The Civil Wars

A New Chapter

Today I graduated from college.  As I described it to my friend Makenna, "I'm now officially full of B.S."  Her response?  "Girl, I knew that WAY before you graduated!"

Is it weird that this graduation really didn't seem like that big of a deal to me?  The amount of people I've had telling me that they're proud of me has been overwhelming, and I am incredibly grateful for all the love and support I've received.  But it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.  I love school.  I love to read.  Sometimes, I even like writing papers.  Sure, there were moments when I wasn't sure I'd make it, but overall, college wasn't that academically hard.  I did what I had to do, I got good grades, and suddenly now, I'm done.  Weird.

But as I was sitting in the gym today with my classmates, my mind kept running to the people sitting behind me, the ones in the black gowns, getting their masters degrees.  I don't want my formal education to stop here; now I just really want the ugly gown in black, and the cool colored hood that looks a lot like an academic version of a superhero cape.  I've been done with finals for a whopping three days, but I'm already wishing I was planning for next semester's classes.  If someone told me I was starting a masters program next week, I'd be ecstatic.  Wow.  I just realized that if you went back through these last couple sentences and substituted "drugs" for everything relating to "degrees" and "education," I'd be a certified junkie.

Academics aside however, I have to say how grateful I am for this place and for everything I've learned here.  Pammie always told me that in reality, the things you learn in the classroom are a pretty small part of what a student learns during their years in college, and I've seen that to be true not only in the lives of my residents but in my own life as well.  Trying to describe what I've learned about myself, relationships, mental and emotional health (both mine and others), how I relate to God, leadership, love, perseverance,  loneliness, pain, and joy would take hours.  And that's just the short list of topics.  I've met people that have forever changed how I think, how I love, how I look at life.  I've walked with people through some of the best and worst times in their lives, and had people walk with me during some of my darkest nights and brightest days.

Just one of the things I've learned about myself in the past three years is that I often try to hold on to the past for longer than I should.  At this moment, 12 hours after I walked across the stage to receive my degree, I desperately don't want this chapter of my life to end.  It's been a good one.  A really good one, and my gut reaction is to try to hold on to it for as long as I possibly can.  But it has to end; all good things do, and I have to let it go.  And that is SO hard for me.

I have no idea what this new season holds.  N-O I-D-E-A.  And that scares the livin' daylights out of me.  I am 22 years old, the proud owner of a BS degree in Student & Family Ministry, and unlike most Corban grads, have no shiny engagement ring on my left hand.  :)  Basically the only thing I know right now is that I have a long weekend of cleaning the dorm ahead of me, and by Monday, hopefully I'll know the next baby step to take.  If this isn't living by faith, I don't know what is.  I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm eagerly anticipating what God will do, and I'm scared out of my mind.  Did I mention the scared part?  Ok, good.

Mood:  Um, scared.  Remember?
Music:  Hillsong

Most Likely To

The Balyo RA's went on a retreat this weekend, and on Saturday night we sat around and played "Most Likely To."  We were all doubled over in laughter most of the night, so I thought I'd share a few of the (appropriate) things that my team voted me most likely to do.

On our team, Carrie is most likely to:
Shave her head.
Wear full body spandex in public.
Marry a millionaire.
Join the military.
Get in a fight with Oprah.
Live in a big city.
Openly gawk at someone attractive.
Go on a reality TV show.
Fall in love with a guy with an accent.
Shop in the wrong gender's clothing department.
Elope.
Eat off the floor.
Crash a wedding to meet cute guys.
Think something is fashionable when it definitely is not.
Get boo-ed off the stage at a talent show.
Fall asleep in class.
Snore in class.
Go to jail.

And that is what my team thinks of me.  Pretty accurate.  :)

Mood:  Laughing
Music:  "Tipsy"  J-Kwon

Snapshots of Mexico

It seems that on almost every trip I take, I become the self-appointed guardian of the quote book.  Spring Break Mexico was no exception.  This is not an all-inclusive list, as the quote book very narrowly avoided being washed away in our flooded tent, but these are definitely a few winners!

"I think they put crack in my hamburger!"  - Megan

"I have a friend who has a friend named . . . Billy."  - Ben

"I touch stuff that's been in China all the time."  - Ben

"So this one time when I was hunting with my uncle . . . "  - Ben

"And then my neighbor ran across the muddy field in his socks."  - Ben

"My uncle shot the nuts off a deer."  - Ben

"This cupcake is like Joel.  White on the outside, but black on the inside."  - Anon

"Did YOU expect there to be chocolate in them???" - Beau

"You've got the voice AND the body, Ben!"  - Karen

"There's someone out there for everyone!"  - Beau

"Thank you for being patient and understanding."  - Matthew/Gary

"Time to wake up!  The stars are shining!"  - JROTC

"Ok guys, you have a $5 limit."  - Natalie

"Suck it up princess!"  - All of the drivers/leaders

"You can blame it on me."  - Lucia

"Hey Carrie, Taco Bell???"  - Matt

"Woof woof!"  - Carrie

"Look!  A California girl!"  - Matt, Ben, and Kenji

"Megan, how do you feel about headbands and tool belts?"  - Matt

"Wear that Drew Ross!"  - Matt

I also realize that most of these won't make sense and/or be funny to anyone outside of our team, but hey, suck it up princess.

Mood:  Happy
Music:  "Show Me the Money"  Petey Pablo

Life is Good

To Do Tonight:
- Finish my Counseling II paper on the long-term effects of divorce on children.
- Do a case study on conflict and relationships.
- Do my math homework.
- Do laundry.
- Clean my room.


What I'm actually doing right now:  Blogging.  Hey, you just can't ignore it when inspiration strikes.


It's been a while since I've been able to say that "life is good" with much conviction in my voice, but tonight I am saying it confidently.  Four days ago, I got home from the most perfect spring break I could have imagined, and even though I know I'm still on a "spring break high," I'm gonna ride this wave as far as it will take me.  :)


In some of my recent musings (refer back to my previous blog post) I came to the solid conclusion that I am still very much an extrovert and that living in solitary confinement would definitely be one of the worst things I could imagine.  Spring break only solidified that conclusion.  From the time we drove out of our school parking lot on Friday morning, I spent the next ten days constantly surrounded by twenty-one other crazy, adventurous, Jesus-loving, funny, creative, and hard-working students as we spent our spring break serving a precious Mexican family.  I spent my days driving endless miles through California, pouring concrete, framing houses, and freezing at the beach, and I spent my nights laughing by the campfire, huddling in a flooding tent with Megan, and just generally being freakishly cold.  We had storytime with my friend Ben (aka, "Papa Hoppa") in the car and around the campfire (every story began with, "This one time when I was hunting with my uncle . . . "), we dried our clothes on sticks over the firepit (and watched lots of them catch on fire), we got addicted to ridiculous roadtrip songs (Friday), we nicknamed the camp next to us the "Jesus ROTC" when they woke up their kids by playing a trumpet at 0530, and we came home dirty, tired, smelly, and oh-so-happy.  This week was so much more refreshing and fulfilling for me than sitting at home sleeping and watching TV ever would have been.  I got to help show a family the love of Christ in a very practical and tangible way and I got to do it alongside some incredible people that brought so much joy to my life.  


Spring break is over though, and this week was the boot camp of papers, tests, and assignments.  Yet, I am still being encouraged by the relationships that were formed in the last two weeks, and I have definitely hit my annual after-spring-break-mode of not wanting the year to end.  


I graduate in thirty-five days, and all of my job options are falling through the cracks.  I have no employment prospects and no place to live.  The number of pages that I must write in the next thirty-five days is pretty astronomical.  But today I'm not even freaking out.  Just last night I read in Psalm 37, "Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him."  God has plans for me, and He knows me even better than I know myself.  Even just these last few weeks have been an exercise in seeing how God has been throwing things into my life when I least expect them, and I'm learning how to jump in and roll with it.  So today all I can do is work my hardest at the place where I am dwelling right now - as a student, as an RA, and as a friend.  


The unknown is a frightening place for my OCD little heart, but even though I have no idea what lies ahead I know that the Lord does and that He is not going to abandon me when May 7 hits.  So tonight, I am grateful.  Grateful for new friends.  Grateful for the blessing that my last three years here have been.  Grateful for the experiences I've been blessed with.  Grateful for peace in the midst of the unknown.

Mood:  Grateful
Music:  Sappy couples talking in the coffee shop

Ah Ha Moment!

Personality types.  They're one of my favorite things to talk about, think about, and read about, so you've most likely heard some of these thoughts at some point in the past.  However, in the past few weeks I've been considering whether I was really as much of an extrovert as I've always thought I was.  I've always tested pretty high in the extrovert areas on various evaluations, but I started to wonder if I was picking the "extrovert" answers on these things just because it was so deeply ingrained in my head that that's what I'm supposed to be.  I mean, others always tell me that I'm outgoing and friendly and usually not afraid to talk to people and let's face it: as an RA and a ministry major, it's sort of a given that I'm supposed to love being around people, right?  


Now I know that being an introvert doesn't mean that you hate people.  I love the definitions of intro/extraverts that explain it as describing how you recharge and where you get your energy.  Introverts refill their emotional tanks by being alone and having some well-deserved and needed "just-me-time" so that they can go back out and give of themselves to others.  Extroverts on the other hand, refill those reservoirs in their soul by spending time with people.  Of course these are very specific people, because not all relationships are of the "refilling" sort.  The reality is that a lot of relationships are very draining, but extroverts recharge by intentionally spending time with people who energize them rather than drain them.  


Last weekend was a long weekend for us, and I chose to stay here at school rather than going home.  Gas is just too expensive.   But most of my hall was gone to some exotic location or another and life was pretty quiet around Balyo for three days.  I spent those three days mostly by myself, sleeping, reading, watching TV and movies, doing homework, and cleaning my room.  I enjoy all of those activities (yes, even homework and cleaning), and at the end of it all, I felt quite physically rested thanks to the massive amounts of sleep I'd gotten.  I started to wonder if maybe I was more of a introvert than I'd thought, because didn't I feel rested and refreshed?  It made some sense; I had chosen to spend most of the weekend alone and the idea had been very appealing to me, but by Tuesday morning when I went back to class, something was missing.  I certainly wasn't "recharged" and ready to plow through the next two months towards graduation.


This weekend has been a bit different.  I left as soon as my last class was done for the day, drove to Vancouver, and talked to Alise on the phone the whole way.  First stop was at my brother's house to have him check on my ever-needy car, then I headed across town to the first installment of a student ministry conference with Dr. Baker.  I got to have dinner with Danny, Baker, and Alyson which was just a blast, and then had a much-needed catch up time at Starbucks with my favorite youth pastor.  Saturday included the rest of the conference and I caught up with my sister and my parents on the phone while I drove back to school.  As soon as I got back in town, I went straight to Brenna's house for a quick dinner/chat, and wound up going to church with her which of course included Steve and Chad and all those awesome people.  I slipped out of church a few minutes early to make it to band practice on time, but after practice I spent a while in the coffee shop with Kelli, Jeff, and Miranda just talking, laughing and catching up on our lives.  Today after church with those three, Mir and I made a whirlwind shopping trip through the mall before I met my lovely RA Madison for a long-overdue coffee date.  We sipped chai and talked about life, men, and graduation and laughed and cried together.  Madi and I went and tried on shoes and discussed options for her date to the Black and White Dance, and just genuinely enjoyed spending time together.  


As I drove home from downtown, I was struck by one thing in particular:  right now, I am feeling so refreshed, full, blessed, and content.  Yes, I was busy this weekend, but I was constantly surrounded by people that I love.  People who encourage and challenge me and genuinely care about me.  It was then that I realized how much I value spending time with people who care about me and how much those interactions emotionally recharge me. 


So here is my conclusion:  Yes, I am still an extrovert.  I got a little less sleep than I probably should have this weekend, but I feel so much more energized to tackle my week than I did last weekend when I was getting 9 or 10 hours a night.  People recharge me, and make me realize just how blessed I am.  And I am very blessed indeed.


Mood:  Content and refreshed
Music:  "The Seasons for Piano, Opus 37" by Tchaikovsky