A New Chapter

Today I graduated from college.  As I described it to my friend Makenna, "I'm now officially full of B.S."  Her response?  "Girl, I knew that WAY before you graduated!"

Is it weird that this graduation really didn't seem like that big of a deal to me?  The amount of people I've had telling me that they're proud of me has been overwhelming, and I am incredibly grateful for all the love and support I've received.  But it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.  I love school.  I love to read.  Sometimes, I even like writing papers.  Sure, there were moments when I wasn't sure I'd make it, but overall, college wasn't that academically hard.  I did what I had to do, I got good grades, and suddenly now, I'm done.  Weird.

But as I was sitting in the gym today with my classmates, my mind kept running to the people sitting behind me, the ones in the black gowns, getting their masters degrees.  I don't want my formal education to stop here; now I just really want the ugly gown in black, and the cool colored hood that looks a lot like an academic version of a superhero cape.  I've been done with finals for a whopping three days, but I'm already wishing I was planning for next semester's classes.  If someone told me I was starting a masters program next week, I'd be ecstatic.  Wow.  I just realized that if you went back through these last couple sentences and substituted "drugs" for everything relating to "degrees" and "education," I'd be a certified junkie.

Academics aside however, I have to say how grateful I am for this place and for everything I've learned here.  Pammie always told me that in reality, the things you learn in the classroom are a pretty small part of what a student learns during their years in college, and I've seen that to be true not only in the lives of my residents but in my own life as well.  Trying to describe what I've learned about myself, relationships, mental and emotional health (both mine and others), how I relate to God, leadership, love, perseverance,  loneliness, pain, and joy would take hours.  And that's just the short list of topics.  I've met people that have forever changed how I think, how I love, how I look at life.  I've walked with people through some of the best and worst times in their lives, and had people walk with me during some of my darkest nights and brightest days.

Just one of the things I've learned about myself in the past three years is that I often try to hold on to the past for longer than I should.  At this moment, 12 hours after I walked across the stage to receive my degree, I desperately don't want this chapter of my life to end.  It's been a good one.  A really good one, and my gut reaction is to try to hold on to it for as long as I possibly can.  But it has to end; all good things do, and I have to let it go.  And that is SO hard for me.

I have no idea what this new season holds.  N-O I-D-E-A.  And that scares the livin' daylights out of me.  I am 22 years old, the proud owner of a BS degree in Student & Family Ministry, and unlike most Corban grads, have no shiny engagement ring on my left hand.  :)  Basically the only thing I know right now is that I have a long weekend of cleaning the dorm ahead of me, and by Monday, hopefully I'll know the next baby step to take.  If this isn't living by faith, I don't know what is.  I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm eagerly anticipating what God will do, and I'm scared out of my mind.  Did I mention the scared part?  Ok, good.

Mood:  Um, scared.  Remember?
Music:  Hillsong