This summer is going to be different, I'm not gonna lie. First off, I just want to say that I'm not complaining here, I'm just musing about the things that are going on this summer. The "summer group" is splitting up this year. We're all going different places and serving the Lord in different ways. Well, I'm staying home, but it will still be different without the rest of the gang around. I will admit that I'm a little jealous of Alise and Jordon especially, since it's always been my dream to go to a South American country to do mission work, but the Lord made it very clear to me from the start that this Costa Rica trip, although it was perfect for Alise and Jordon, was not what He had for me. I know that He must have a plan for me this summer and I need to be content with that.
I don't want to fall into the trap of just "doing the same old stuff." Because it's not. Sure, I'm going to be at some of the same places that I'm at every summer, but I pray that God will show Himself to me in very new and exciting ways throughout these next few months.
I'm going to miss my best friend ... a lot. I'm super excited for her, and this opportunity that God has so clearly led her to, but I'm still gonna miss her! From our intense prayer group times, to the way we try to hold each other accountable to stay in the Word and seek God through the busy times of the summer, to our deep late night talks, it's going to be a very different summer without her. I have no doubt that God is going to do awesome things in both of our lives this summer as we yield to Him, but it's going to be a new thing to have such different experiences. Not a bad thing, just different! :-)
My dear friend Katie said something tonight at Bible study that really hit me. It's such a simple truth, yet one that we so easily forget in the busyness of life. I just want to be like Jesus. It's really true. All the little things fall under that. I just want to be more like Jesus. That is my prayer for myself this summer. That I would grow to be more like my Savior, trusting Him with every aspect of my life, and giving Him the total preeminence He deserves in my life.
Mood: Contemplative
Music: None
Monday, June 18, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
HILAROUS Valentines Day Commercial
So I was at work today, listening to the radio because there's nothing better to do at work, and I heard this hilarious Valentine's Day Commercial from Trader Joe's. Naturally, I came home and Googled the phrase "Trader Joe's Valentine Radio Commercial" and found it. I crack up laughing every time I read it.
Everyone knows that roses and chocolate make perfect Valentine's Day gifts, but what if your relationship hasn't reached the dozen roses stage? Finding a gift that reflects your feelings for your "friend" can be stressful. What should you do if you're not sure just how special your special someone is? Trader Joe's recommends a jar of marinated mushrooms with garlic. They are wonderfully flavorful and at just $2.69, your budget will be in line with your feelings. Of course, if you're sure, TJ's also has a large assortment of roses and chocolate at great prices, but a jar of marinated mushrooms with garlic is a great way to say, "I like you, but let's not rush into anything."
Mood: Laughing
Music: Hmmm, what happened to my iPod headphones?
Everyone knows that roses and chocolate make perfect Valentine's Day gifts, but what if your relationship hasn't reached the dozen roses stage? Finding a gift that reflects your feelings for your "friend" can be stressful. What should you do if you're not sure just how special your special someone is? Trader Joe's recommends a jar of marinated mushrooms with garlic. They are wonderfully flavorful and at just $2.69, your budget will be in line with your feelings. Of course, if you're sure, TJ's also has a large assortment of roses and chocolate at great prices, but a jar of marinated mushrooms with garlic is a great way to say, "I like you, but let's not rush into anything."
Mood: Laughing
Music: Hmmm, what happened to my iPod headphones?
Monday, January 08, 2007
Moving On
Things come and go, ya know? Like seasons. And the nice thing about changing seasons is that by the time one season is over, then you're usually about ready for the next season to be there. You're ready for a change. And that's how it is in life too. Things (seasons) come and they go. But the difference about "life seasons" is that you're not always ready when the next one comes along. Sometimes you are; sometimes you feel like a new one was way overdue; sometimes you're not ready at all; and sometimes the new season takes some adjustment to get used to.
All of that to say that I think I'm changing seasons in my life right now. Things have been changing left and right in my life in the last couple of months, and my head is still spinning. I'm exhausted beyond belief at the moment, so I probably shouldn't be making these huge decisions, but that is why I haven't done anything official about them yet. I'm going to sleep on it, pray about it, and see if I still feel the same way tomorrow. Thing is, I have been praying about it, and I really belive that God is telling me that it's time for this particular thing to be over.
Piano. For quite a while now, I've been toying with the idea of stopping my piano lessons. I simply don't have the necessary time to devote to it anymore. Seriously, I haven't turned in a good practice card since sometime last spring. My schedule is so crazy, that by the time I get a spare moment to practice, I'm exhausted and don't practice well anyways. With a regular teacher, I could probably still pull it off, but with the upper-level teacher that I have, and the competitions I'm attempting to prepare for, I simply don't put in enough time to even fake my way through my lessons, much less a competition. And besides, I've found my niche in music. And it's not classical competitions anymore. It's doing what I do on Wednesday nights with John and Danny and Terry and Britton. It's worship. And with the training I have, I can do that. I can read a piece of music. I can count rhythm. And I'm learning how to chord, but not from my lessons. This is real-life music. I don't think that all those years of classical training were wasted, AT ALL! I think that God used them in a very real way to prepare me for what He's called me to do now. And that was part of a past season of my life.
Of course, not to mention all the money my parents are going to save. Trust me, Robin is NOT cheap!
I really do think that I'm making the right decision. But that doesn't mean that it's easy. Like the hardware store, piano lessons have been a part of my life, almost from the beginning, first with Lorraine, and then with Robin, two women who shaped me into the musician I am today. And it's been good. Piano has been a very good thing in my life. But good things have to end too, and I think it's time.
I think I'm going to talk to my parents tomorrow. Tears are clogging my throat as I write this; it's going to be hard to actually do it. But I need to. It's time. It's time to move on. Grow up a little more, as much as I hate the thought of that. Move on.
Mood: -----
Music: None
All of that to say that I think I'm changing seasons in my life right now. Things have been changing left and right in my life in the last couple of months, and my head is still spinning. I'm exhausted beyond belief at the moment, so I probably shouldn't be making these huge decisions, but that is why I haven't done anything official about them yet. I'm going to sleep on it, pray about it, and see if I still feel the same way tomorrow. Thing is, I have been praying about it, and I really belive that God is telling me that it's time for this particular thing to be over.
Piano. For quite a while now, I've been toying with the idea of stopping my piano lessons. I simply don't have the necessary time to devote to it anymore. Seriously, I haven't turned in a good practice card since sometime last spring. My schedule is so crazy, that by the time I get a spare moment to practice, I'm exhausted and don't practice well anyways. With a regular teacher, I could probably still pull it off, but with the upper-level teacher that I have, and the competitions I'm attempting to prepare for, I simply don't put in enough time to even fake my way through my lessons, much less a competition. And besides, I've found my niche in music. And it's not classical competitions anymore. It's doing what I do on Wednesday nights with John and Danny and Terry and Britton. It's worship. And with the training I have, I can do that. I can read a piece of music. I can count rhythm. And I'm learning how to chord, but not from my lessons. This is real-life music. I don't think that all those years of classical training were wasted, AT ALL! I think that God used them in a very real way to prepare me for what He's called me to do now. And that was part of a past season of my life.
Of course, not to mention all the money my parents are going to save. Trust me, Robin is NOT cheap!
I really do think that I'm making the right decision. But that doesn't mean that it's easy. Like the hardware store, piano lessons have been a part of my life, almost from the beginning, first with Lorraine, and then with Robin, two women who shaped me into the musician I am today. And it's been good. Piano has been a very good thing in my life. But good things have to end too, and I think it's time.
I think I'm going to talk to my parents tomorrow. Tears are clogging my throat as I write this; it's going to be hard to actually do it. But I need to. It's time. It's time to move on. Grow up a little more, as much as I hate the thought of that. Move on.
Mood: -----
Music: None
Monday, January 01, 2007
2006, Year in Review
It seems to me, that each year’s adventures with God just keep getting better and better, but with each new adventure comes new challenges, and I get stretched in new ways.
2006 started with Seahawk football. The Hawks were whizzing through the NFC West, on a fast track to their first ever Super Bowl appearance. They were making history. I determined that I was not going to listen to the Super Bowl on the radio; this was one game that I was going to crash someone’s party in order to watch on TV! And the party that I chose to crash was, of course, Alise’s. I hung out in the Beaman’s living room all day, eating chips and Nadine’s amazing meatballs, getting frustrated at the referees, and ultimately being gravely disappointed that the Seattle Seahawks ended up being only the second best pro football team in the nation.
But no matter, I headed home. I breezed through the door, said hi to my parents, and was just going up the stairs to my room, when I thought to ask mom about the meeting that she and dad had had that day with a potential buyer for the hardware store. Her response quite literally changed my life as I knew it.
“They bought it, and they’re taking it over tomorrow.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked and in more pain if she had chucked a boulder at my head. I gasped and ran to my room, slammed the door, and spent the next two hours sobbing uncontrollably. That store was my life. I had probably honestly spent more of my seventeen years there than anywhere else. It was my social outlet. I loved the people, they were so dear to me, all these people who had watched me grow up. It was…my life. What on earth was I going to do with myself now?
Despite the intense grief I felt, life went on as “normal” around me. I still had school on Monday, and Alise and I were supposed to leave for our school’s snowboarding trip on Monday afternoon. But that morning I had to get up early and go retrieve all my stuff from the store before school. That was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was there, all alone, sitting in my office trying to pack my things. I was crying, and trying to talk to God. “Why? Why do this to me now? So suddenly? Without warning? God, are you there??” I sat there as a lifetime of memories washed over me. All the important stuff had happened here. And I was about to walk away…forever.
I went about that week—school, the snow trip—in a sort of numb haze. One of the things that I remember from the snow trip though, that would become very important later, was a conversation I had with Danny on our way back to the lodge from snowboarding on Tuesday. We talked about baptism. I wanted to get baptized, but I was terrified of what my parents (especially my dad) would say about that. I didn’t think that there was any way that I was going to be able to do that before I graduated from high school and moved out of my parent’s house. However, it was good to talk to Danny about it, and he left me with a lot of things to think about.
Wednesday, when I got home, the grief hit again. I couldn’t go anywhere or even hardly think without crying. When I was home, I just slept. Finally mom got mad, saying that enough was enough, I needed to just “snap out of it.”
I certainly didn’t “snap out of it,” but over time, the pain began to lessen. To this day, the pain isn’t completely gone, but as opportunities began to open up for me that never would have been possible had I still worked at the store, I began to see that yes, just maybe God had a hand in this too.
Come spring, I joined the track team. For an “athletically challenged” girl who had never played a sport before, and a homeschooler who had never had any involvement with the public school, that was, to say the least, an experience! I enjoyed it very much though, and came away having learned some valuable lessons.
In May, I started thinking about what my summer plans might be fore the year. I was seriously considering not going to youth camp, because it was my fourth year, and I felt that there might be something else God wanted me to do. It turned out that God did have something else for me, but it included going to Aldersgate.
Enter John Britten and the youth worship team.
In May I started playing the piano for and practicing with the youth worship team that was playing at camp that year. Danny and John asked me if I would be willing to play keyboard, and I apprehensively said yes. Playing backup keyboard is not what I have been trained to do musically, but it sounded like fun, so I agreed to give it a shot.
Little did I know how much fun it was going to be, and how much God was going to use it.
It was a real struggle at first, trying to learn how to break free from the strict classical style of playing that I’d always done. It was downright frustrating at times. Slowly but surely though, I got more and more comfortable. I’m still nowhere near being good at this creative style of playing, but I’m learning! And I was and am having a BLAST.
My summer officially began two days after school got out. My parents and I boarded a plane heading for Kansas City, Missouri to visit my family there, especially my sick grandma. That week turned out to be a huge adventure and a huge blessing. The adventure part is a whole other story, but I was blessed so much to be able to spend such great times with my dad. Mom was frequently at Janie’s house or at the nursing home with Granny, so my dad and I spent a lot of time together, just me and him. We watched a lot of stupid movies on TV, went to the Sonic drive-in, drove around the historic district of old Lexington admiring the gorgeous Southern brick architecture, went looking for the house that he and mom had lived in before they moved to Oregon, and, best of all, got to visit the base where dad had been stationed during his Air Force days. We spent an entire day at Whiteman Air Force Base in Knob Noster at an air show. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven, getting to see real fighter jets and the pilots who flew them up close and personal. We even got to tour the Oscar I Missle Facility, and see stuff that even my dad hadn’t gotten to see even when he was stationed there because of its high-security status. It was one of those days that I will always remember.
The week after my return from Missouri, VBS started at church. We had a prayer meeting on Sunday night before the VBS started, and that was an extremely powerful time. Kaeli, Alise, and I walked around to the different parts of the church and prayed for the kids who would be hearing the Gospel there that week. Kaeli and Alise were working with 3rd grade girls, and I was running sound for the music department in preparation for Jericho.
Just two days after the end of VBS, I headed out again…this time to Linfield College to attend Worldview Academy. It changed my life. I learned so much that it’s mind-boggling, and the week really strengthened my faith and walk with God. Christianity is solid. It can stand up to scrutiny, so don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. It’s when we ask those questions that we grow stronger. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone whose worldview is radically different from yours; all you need to know is what YOU believe, then you’ll see the ways that their beliefs do or don’t line up with the Bible. One of my most amazing experiences at WVA came near the end of the week when they bussed us into Portland to witness to people in Pioneer Square. You see, I’ve led a pretty sheltered life. This is Lewis Co, we don’t have a whole lot of hippie, radical types here. I’d always heard that people who believed in crazy stuff—reincarnation, no heaven and hell, no God, these middle eastern cults, ect—were out there, but I never realized how true it was and that the people who believed these things weren’t all strung out on drugs and mentally ill. Sure, I talked to my share of druggies that day, but many of the people I talked to were what you and I would consider normal folks. Yet they were so lost; so far from the truth. It was a very eye-opening experience.
I came home Friday night, threw all my clothes in the washer, and repacked to leave for Jericho on Saturday morning. Even though this was my second year at Jericho, I wasn’t feeling at all prepared. For some reason I didn’t feel confident at all. I wasn’t sure if I knew the music well enough, I didn’t know if the computer stuff was going to work, and I basically had no idea how everything was going to turn out. But this was ok, because I had to totally trust God to work everything out. I wasn’t relying on my own strength because I totally didn’t have it. I was exhausted, and felt unprepared. And God was my strength. Although the week was full of amazing things, there are two moments that stand out to me.
First was the Sunday night before we started our VBS in Independence, OR. Our team had gone to youth group at the Independence church, and after illegally dismantling fireworks and creating the coolest explosion I’d ever seen, (: we went into the sanctuary of the church to pray for the upcoming week. As we stood in a circle in the darkened room and praying for the kids who would come into our lives that week, God showed up. There were passionate prayers sent heavenward and we knew that God was there. Not just out there somewhere, but there. In our midst.
The other moment that stands out to me was later in the week, after we had done door-to-door surveys in Springfield. That particular assignment had been hard on my three-person team, and after it was over, I was left feeling like a failure. After the debriefing meeting, when everyone had left, I stayed in the room talking to Kaeli, Alise, and Heidi about what had happened. The three of us talked and prayed together for a long time, and afterwards, I knew in a whole new way how our God is a God of forgiveness and second chances.
We saw God move and work in amazing ways during the Jericho week. Dozens of people came to know the Lord, not only in Monmouth and Independence, but all over the Willamette Valley. Equally amazing, was seeing God work in our own hearts and lives as a team. We bonded as a team, and that bond was strengthened by the time we spent praying and worshipping together, as well as just talking, hanging out, and having fun.
After Jericho, I had almost a week to do my laundry before leaving for youth camp. This was something else that I felt woefully unprepared for. There were about three songs that we had practiced a lot that I felt ready for, but the dozens of other songs that we were playing, we had never practiced. Ahhh!
Another cool and different thing that I got to do at youth camp this year, was being able to go down to Turner with the advance team on Saturday. Yes, more bonding time! Seriously! I got to meet and hang out with Alison (Joe’s fiancé) as well as the Texas revival team, and that was a huge blessing. I can’t even describe how cool it was to spend time with people in small chunks this summer. Because when you’re spending time with people in small groups, away from the people you normally hang out with, you get to know each other in ways that you never would have any other way. Good times.
After two days of setting up camp in the SCORTCHING heat, everyone else arrived, and camp 2006 officially began. Worship went so well. We got better and better with each set we played, as each of us became more comfortable with the music. God did awesome things that week through the preaching of Mike Thibodeaux (pronounced Tib-a-doe) who was our camp pastor. Many kids got their hearts right with God and that was amazing to see.
Ok, now in order to talk about kids camp, you’ll have to rewind a few weeks to Jericho. Danny had come down to visit all of us there one day, and had brought with him a stack of Bible study books called “Jesus on Leadership” which he was requiring every youth who wanted to go to kids camp to complete. He asked me if I would take the study too, even though I couldn’t be a counselor and didn’t know for sure if I was going to kids camp at all, because he said he thought it would be good for me. It looked like a great study, so I agreed. So for the past about 3 weeks, I had been working through this study, learning tons, and trying to decide if God wanted me to go to kids camp or not. And if He did, then what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t be a counselor, so why should I go?
When I had planned my summer, kids camp hadn’t been part of the original plan. I had never said flat out that I WASN’T going, but I had just figured that I wouldn’t. But also at the beginning of the summer, I had totally surrendered this time to God, saying that I was going to do whatever He had planned for me this summer.
So as I began to think and pray about the possibility of going to Clearlake, God began to make it crystal clear to me that this was indeed, part of His plan for this season of my life. My parents weren’t too thrilled that I was leaving for ANOTHER week because I really needed to get a job and earn some money, but they said that the decision was up to me. I talked to DeWayne and Mike and learned that they really needed kitchen help, so off I went to Clearlake with Shelley McAleney. Again, I went with the advance team to help Shelley with all the kitchen prep, and that was super fun! MORE bonding time!! The night before the kids got there, me and DeWayne and Spencer and Rachel Shepherd (one of the members of the LA revival team from last summer) and Jordon, and more people that I’m sure I’m forgetting, sat up in the dining room half the night eating Otter Pops, giving DW new ideas for funny songs to write on the guitar, and pretty much laughing hysterically.
Then the campers showed up and work began. If you’ve never worked in a kitchen serving very large amounts of people, you can’t really appreciate the incredible amount of work that goes into feeding a ton of hungry campers. It was exhausting, yes, but I was so glad to be there, I didn’t care. Shelley was great about letting me off to go to the youth devotionals and campfires and worship times. I got to know some awesome ladies working in the kitchen that, again, I would probably never have gotten to know otherwise. The campfires, worship, and devotionals were amazing, but also very cool was the times, early in the morning, that I would spend down by the lake, just me and God. Sitting there, surrounded by the some of the most incredible beauty I’ve ever seen, talking to my Creator. Wow. Yeah.
So after kids camp, my “summer” was technically over. But I wasn’t done spending time cultivating the awesome friendships that had blossomed over the summer. Bonfires at the Britten’s and McCurry’s houses created more special memories to top off my amazing summer.
I was working for the Krenelka’s, helping them get ready for the beginning of school, when another huge change shook my life. We had just finished getting all the beginning-of-the-year packets together, and I was hand-delivering the Beaman’s packet since I knew I would see Alise that day. I got off work and headed up to the high school to find her, since I figured she would be at soccer practice. I found her alright, and handed her the packet. She got a weird look on her face and was like, “Oh, well, um…we might not be going back to learning center this year, John and I might be going to public school full time.” I was shocked. Wow. That was huge.
And go to public school they did. I can only imagine how Alise must have felt; but all I know is how confused and stressed I was. I ended up going to THS for one period as well, and that was hard enough. I couldn’t imagine going full time.
But now, with me going to three different schools, and Alise going full time at Toledo as well as the time commitments that soccer took up, I hardly saw her anymore. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just logistics.
Just a few weeks after I started at Toledo, I began my freshman year of college. Trying to figure out college life, as well as balance LCLC and THS, threw me for a loop. I was hopelessly overwhelmed, getting very little sleep, and hating every second of school. The song “Stand in the Rain” by Superchic[k] became my motto. “She wants to be found, the only way out is through everything she’s running from, wants to give up and lie down.”
There were days that I would get in my car after my college classes to drive home and simply burst into tears. I didn’t see any way out from the stress that was controlling my life. I never saw my best friend anymore, and I missed her. I didn’t know how things could get any better, and I spent a ridiculous amount of time bawling.
Slowly though, things began to get a little better. I started to get into the swing of things at college and I was getting good grades at THS. My learning center stuff was going to pot, but I didn’t care too much at that point.
I started to get involved with Young Life as a way to reach out to kids at THS. God was opening my eyes to the incredible hurts and needs at the school, and I desperately wanted, in some way, to reach out and show God’s love to these hurting kids. Through YL, God has been helping me to build relationships with some kids from the school, and that has been exciting.
Also in the fall, Laurell started attending children’s choir classes at TFB. Her class would sing at Sunday services sometimes, and Christina and Dick and their family would come and watch. Walker and Laurell grew to love going to their Sunday school classes, and their new friends there, so Christina now goes to church with me on a pretty regular basis. That has been a definite God-thing.
But the apex of my year came in December. I was saying goodnight to my parents one evening, and my dad said, “Hold on a minute Carrie, we need to talk to you.” He said that I was almost 18, and could pretty much do whatever I wanted to. He went on to say that he knew that I was happy in the my church, and although he was a little sad that I had rejected the catholic church, that if I wanted to become a member at TFB, then I had his and mom's blessing. He also said how proud they were of me that I had made such an effort in these last several years to honor them, and that they could see how much I had grown in that church.
For lack of a more eloquent phrase, I was so happy!! I hugged my parents and thanked them, and as soon as I walked out of the room, I broke down into happy tears. I laughed and smiled and thanked God through the tears that were streaming down my face. Since all my talks with Danny about honoring my parents, it blessed me so much to hear them say that they had noticed, and appreciated that.
So last night, December 31, 2006, I got baptized. Through some crazy turns of events, (Pastor Joe falling off his roof) Danny ended up doing my baptism, and that turned out awesome. My parents even came, and the words Danny said were perfect. God is so faithful. Just when you think that all your prayers have been in vain, and that He has forgotten about you, He proves Himself to be so incredibly faithful. But when I look back at this year, I can’t say that He ever forgot about me. He was there every step of the way, leading, guiding, encouraging, and holding me up.
Psalm 37:3-6 Trust in the Lord, and do good, dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him. And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.
-Carrie Emeline
January 1, 2007
2006 started with Seahawk football. The Hawks were whizzing through the NFC West, on a fast track to their first ever Super Bowl appearance. They were making history. I determined that I was not going to listen to the Super Bowl on the radio; this was one game that I was going to crash someone’s party in order to watch on TV! And the party that I chose to crash was, of course, Alise’s. I hung out in the Beaman’s living room all day, eating chips and Nadine’s amazing meatballs, getting frustrated at the referees, and ultimately being gravely disappointed that the Seattle Seahawks ended up being only the second best pro football team in the nation.
But no matter, I headed home. I breezed through the door, said hi to my parents, and was just going up the stairs to my room, when I thought to ask mom about the meeting that she and dad had had that day with a potential buyer for the hardware store. Her response quite literally changed my life as I knew it.
“They bought it, and they’re taking it over tomorrow.”
I couldn’t have been more shocked and in more pain if she had chucked a boulder at my head. I gasped and ran to my room, slammed the door, and spent the next two hours sobbing uncontrollably. That store was my life. I had probably honestly spent more of my seventeen years there than anywhere else. It was my social outlet. I loved the people, they were so dear to me, all these people who had watched me grow up. It was…my life. What on earth was I going to do with myself now?
Despite the intense grief I felt, life went on as “normal” around me. I still had school on Monday, and Alise and I were supposed to leave for our school’s snowboarding trip on Monday afternoon. But that morning I had to get up early and go retrieve all my stuff from the store before school. That was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I was there, all alone, sitting in my office trying to pack my things. I was crying, and trying to talk to God. “Why? Why do this to me now? So suddenly? Without warning? God, are you there??” I sat there as a lifetime of memories washed over me. All the important stuff had happened here. And I was about to walk away…forever.
I went about that week—school, the snow trip—in a sort of numb haze. One of the things that I remember from the snow trip though, that would become very important later, was a conversation I had with Danny on our way back to the lodge from snowboarding on Tuesday. We talked about baptism. I wanted to get baptized, but I was terrified of what my parents (especially my dad) would say about that. I didn’t think that there was any way that I was going to be able to do that before I graduated from high school and moved out of my parent’s house. However, it was good to talk to Danny about it, and he left me with a lot of things to think about.
Wednesday, when I got home, the grief hit again. I couldn’t go anywhere or even hardly think without crying. When I was home, I just slept. Finally mom got mad, saying that enough was enough, I needed to just “snap out of it.”
I certainly didn’t “snap out of it,” but over time, the pain began to lessen. To this day, the pain isn’t completely gone, but as opportunities began to open up for me that never would have been possible had I still worked at the store, I began to see that yes, just maybe God had a hand in this too.
Come spring, I joined the track team. For an “athletically challenged” girl who had never played a sport before, and a homeschooler who had never had any involvement with the public school, that was, to say the least, an experience! I enjoyed it very much though, and came away having learned some valuable lessons.
In May, I started thinking about what my summer plans might be fore the year. I was seriously considering not going to youth camp, because it was my fourth year, and I felt that there might be something else God wanted me to do. It turned out that God did have something else for me, but it included going to Aldersgate.
Enter John Britten and the youth worship team.
In May I started playing the piano for and practicing with the youth worship team that was playing at camp that year. Danny and John asked me if I would be willing to play keyboard, and I apprehensively said yes. Playing backup keyboard is not what I have been trained to do musically, but it sounded like fun, so I agreed to give it a shot.
Little did I know how much fun it was going to be, and how much God was going to use it.
It was a real struggle at first, trying to learn how to break free from the strict classical style of playing that I’d always done. It was downright frustrating at times. Slowly but surely though, I got more and more comfortable. I’m still nowhere near being good at this creative style of playing, but I’m learning! And I was and am having a BLAST.
My summer officially began two days after school got out. My parents and I boarded a plane heading for Kansas City, Missouri to visit my family there, especially my sick grandma. That week turned out to be a huge adventure and a huge blessing. The adventure part is a whole other story, but I was blessed so much to be able to spend such great times with my dad. Mom was frequently at Janie’s house or at the nursing home with Granny, so my dad and I spent a lot of time together, just me and him. We watched a lot of stupid movies on TV, went to the Sonic drive-in, drove around the historic district of old Lexington admiring the gorgeous Southern brick architecture, went looking for the house that he and mom had lived in before they moved to Oregon, and, best of all, got to visit the base where dad had been stationed during his Air Force days. We spent an entire day at Whiteman Air Force Base in Knob Noster at an air show. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven, getting to see real fighter jets and the pilots who flew them up close and personal. We even got to tour the Oscar I Missle Facility, and see stuff that even my dad hadn’t gotten to see even when he was stationed there because of its high-security status. It was one of those days that I will always remember.
The week after my return from Missouri, VBS started at church. We had a prayer meeting on Sunday night before the VBS started, and that was an extremely powerful time. Kaeli, Alise, and I walked around to the different parts of the church and prayed for the kids who would be hearing the Gospel there that week. Kaeli and Alise were working with 3rd grade girls, and I was running sound for the music department in preparation for Jericho.
Just two days after the end of VBS, I headed out again…this time to Linfield College to attend Worldview Academy. It changed my life. I learned so much that it’s mind-boggling, and the week really strengthened my faith and walk with God. Christianity is solid. It can stand up to scrutiny, so don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. It’s when we ask those questions that we grow stronger. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone whose worldview is radically different from yours; all you need to know is what YOU believe, then you’ll see the ways that their beliefs do or don’t line up with the Bible. One of my most amazing experiences at WVA came near the end of the week when they bussed us into Portland to witness to people in Pioneer Square. You see, I’ve led a pretty sheltered life. This is Lewis Co, we don’t have a whole lot of hippie, radical types here. I’d always heard that people who believed in crazy stuff—reincarnation, no heaven and hell, no God, these middle eastern cults, ect—were out there, but I never realized how true it was and that the people who believed these things weren’t all strung out on drugs and mentally ill. Sure, I talked to my share of druggies that day, but many of the people I talked to were what you and I would consider normal folks. Yet they were so lost; so far from the truth. It was a very eye-opening experience.
I came home Friday night, threw all my clothes in the washer, and repacked to leave for Jericho on Saturday morning. Even though this was my second year at Jericho, I wasn’t feeling at all prepared. For some reason I didn’t feel confident at all. I wasn’t sure if I knew the music well enough, I didn’t know if the computer stuff was going to work, and I basically had no idea how everything was going to turn out. But this was ok, because I had to totally trust God to work everything out. I wasn’t relying on my own strength because I totally didn’t have it. I was exhausted, and felt unprepared. And God was my strength. Although the week was full of amazing things, there are two moments that stand out to me.
First was the Sunday night before we started our VBS in Independence, OR. Our team had gone to youth group at the Independence church, and after illegally dismantling fireworks and creating the coolest explosion I’d ever seen, (: we went into the sanctuary of the church to pray for the upcoming week. As we stood in a circle in the darkened room and praying for the kids who would come into our lives that week, God showed up. There were passionate prayers sent heavenward and we knew that God was there. Not just out there somewhere, but there. In our midst.
The other moment that stands out to me was later in the week, after we had done door-to-door surveys in Springfield. That particular assignment had been hard on my three-person team, and after it was over, I was left feeling like a failure. After the debriefing meeting, when everyone had left, I stayed in the room talking to Kaeli, Alise, and Heidi about what had happened. The three of us talked and prayed together for a long time, and afterwards, I knew in a whole new way how our God is a God of forgiveness and second chances.
We saw God move and work in amazing ways during the Jericho week. Dozens of people came to know the Lord, not only in Monmouth and Independence, but all over the Willamette Valley. Equally amazing, was seeing God work in our own hearts and lives as a team. We bonded as a team, and that bond was strengthened by the time we spent praying and worshipping together, as well as just talking, hanging out, and having fun.
After Jericho, I had almost a week to do my laundry before leaving for youth camp. This was something else that I felt woefully unprepared for. There were about three songs that we had practiced a lot that I felt ready for, but the dozens of other songs that we were playing, we had never practiced. Ahhh!
Another cool and different thing that I got to do at youth camp this year, was being able to go down to Turner with the advance team on Saturday. Yes, more bonding time! Seriously! I got to meet and hang out with Alison (Joe’s fiancé) as well as the Texas revival team, and that was a huge blessing. I can’t even describe how cool it was to spend time with people in small chunks this summer. Because when you’re spending time with people in small groups, away from the people you normally hang out with, you get to know each other in ways that you never would have any other way. Good times.
After two days of setting up camp in the SCORTCHING heat, everyone else arrived, and camp 2006 officially began. Worship went so well. We got better and better with each set we played, as each of us became more comfortable with the music. God did awesome things that week through the preaching of Mike Thibodeaux (pronounced Tib-a-doe) who was our camp pastor. Many kids got their hearts right with God and that was amazing to see.
Ok, now in order to talk about kids camp, you’ll have to rewind a few weeks to Jericho. Danny had come down to visit all of us there one day, and had brought with him a stack of Bible study books called “Jesus on Leadership” which he was requiring every youth who wanted to go to kids camp to complete. He asked me if I would take the study too, even though I couldn’t be a counselor and didn’t know for sure if I was going to kids camp at all, because he said he thought it would be good for me. It looked like a great study, so I agreed. So for the past about 3 weeks, I had been working through this study, learning tons, and trying to decide if God wanted me to go to kids camp or not. And if He did, then what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t be a counselor, so why should I go?
When I had planned my summer, kids camp hadn’t been part of the original plan. I had never said flat out that I WASN’T going, but I had just figured that I wouldn’t. But also at the beginning of the summer, I had totally surrendered this time to God, saying that I was going to do whatever He had planned for me this summer.
So as I began to think and pray about the possibility of going to Clearlake, God began to make it crystal clear to me that this was indeed, part of His plan for this season of my life. My parents weren’t too thrilled that I was leaving for ANOTHER week because I really needed to get a job and earn some money, but they said that the decision was up to me. I talked to DeWayne and Mike and learned that they really needed kitchen help, so off I went to Clearlake with Shelley McAleney. Again, I went with the advance team to help Shelley with all the kitchen prep, and that was super fun! MORE bonding time!! The night before the kids got there, me and DeWayne and Spencer and Rachel Shepherd (one of the members of the LA revival team from last summer) and Jordon, and more people that I’m sure I’m forgetting, sat up in the dining room half the night eating Otter Pops, giving DW new ideas for funny songs to write on the guitar, and pretty much laughing hysterically.
Then the campers showed up and work began. If you’ve never worked in a kitchen serving very large amounts of people, you can’t really appreciate the incredible amount of work that goes into feeding a ton of hungry campers. It was exhausting, yes, but I was so glad to be there, I didn’t care. Shelley was great about letting me off to go to the youth devotionals and campfires and worship times. I got to know some awesome ladies working in the kitchen that, again, I would probably never have gotten to know otherwise. The campfires, worship, and devotionals were amazing, but also very cool was the times, early in the morning, that I would spend down by the lake, just me and God. Sitting there, surrounded by the some of the most incredible beauty I’ve ever seen, talking to my Creator. Wow. Yeah.
So after kids camp, my “summer” was technically over. But I wasn’t done spending time cultivating the awesome friendships that had blossomed over the summer. Bonfires at the Britten’s and McCurry’s houses created more special memories to top off my amazing summer.
I was working for the Krenelka’s, helping them get ready for the beginning of school, when another huge change shook my life. We had just finished getting all the beginning-of-the-year packets together, and I was hand-delivering the Beaman’s packet since I knew I would see Alise that day. I got off work and headed up to the high school to find her, since I figured she would be at soccer practice. I found her alright, and handed her the packet. She got a weird look on her face and was like, “Oh, well, um…we might not be going back to learning center this year, John and I might be going to public school full time.” I was shocked. Wow. That was huge.
And go to public school they did. I can only imagine how Alise must have felt; but all I know is how confused and stressed I was. I ended up going to THS for one period as well, and that was hard enough. I couldn’t imagine going full time.
But now, with me going to three different schools, and Alise going full time at Toledo as well as the time commitments that soccer took up, I hardly saw her anymore. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just logistics.
Just a few weeks after I started at Toledo, I began my freshman year of college. Trying to figure out college life, as well as balance LCLC and THS, threw me for a loop. I was hopelessly overwhelmed, getting very little sleep, and hating every second of school. The song “Stand in the Rain” by Superchic[k] became my motto. “She wants to be found, the only way out is through everything she’s running from, wants to give up and lie down.”
There were days that I would get in my car after my college classes to drive home and simply burst into tears. I didn’t see any way out from the stress that was controlling my life. I never saw my best friend anymore, and I missed her. I didn’t know how things could get any better, and I spent a ridiculous amount of time bawling.
Slowly though, things began to get a little better. I started to get into the swing of things at college and I was getting good grades at THS. My learning center stuff was going to pot, but I didn’t care too much at that point.
I started to get involved with Young Life as a way to reach out to kids at THS. God was opening my eyes to the incredible hurts and needs at the school, and I desperately wanted, in some way, to reach out and show God’s love to these hurting kids. Through YL, God has been helping me to build relationships with some kids from the school, and that has been exciting.
Also in the fall, Laurell started attending children’s choir classes at TFB. Her class would sing at Sunday services sometimes, and Christina and Dick and their family would come and watch. Walker and Laurell grew to love going to their Sunday school classes, and their new friends there, so Christina now goes to church with me on a pretty regular basis. That has been a definite God-thing.
But the apex of my year came in December. I was saying goodnight to my parents one evening, and my dad said, “Hold on a minute Carrie, we need to talk to you.” He said that I was almost 18, and could pretty much do whatever I wanted to. He went on to say that he knew that I was happy in the my church, and although he was a little sad that I had rejected the catholic church, that if I wanted to become a member at TFB, then I had his and mom's blessing. He also said how proud they were of me that I had made such an effort in these last several years to honor them, and that they could see how much I had grown in that church.
For lack of a more eloquent phrase, I was so happy!! I hugged my parents and thanked them, and as soon as I walked out of the room, I broke down into happy tears. I laughed and smiled and thanked God through the tears that were streaming down my face. Since all my talks with Danny about honoring my parents, it blessed me so much to hear them say that they had noticed, and appreciated that.
So last night, December 31, 2006, I got baptized. Through some crazy turns of events, (Pastor Joe falling off his roof) Danny ended up doing my baptism, and that turned out awesome. My parents even came, and the words Danny said were perfect. God is so faithful. Just when you think that all your prayers have been in vain, and that He has forgotten about you, He proves Himself to be so incredibly faithful. But when I look back at this year, I can’t say that He ever forgot about me. He was there every step of the way, leading, guiding, encouraging, and holding me up.
Psalm 37:3-6 Trust in the Lord, and do good, dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him. And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.
-Carrie Emeline
January 1, 2007
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