Things come and go, ya know? Like seasons. And the nice thing about changing seasons is that by the time one season is over, then you're usually about ready for the next season to be there. You're ready for a change. And that's how it is in life too. Things (seasons) come and they go. But the difference about "life seasons" is that you're not always ready when the next one comes along. Sometimes you are; sometimes you feel like a new one was way overdue; sometimes you're not ready at all; and sometimes the new season takes some adjustment to get used to.
All of that to say that I think I'm changing seasons in my life right now. Things have been changing left and right in my life in the last couple of months, and my head is still spinning. I'm exhausted beyond belief at the moment, so I probably shouldn't be making these huge decisions, but that is why I haven't done anything official about them yet. I'm going to sleep on it, pray about it, and see if I still feel the same way tomorrow. Thing is, I have been praying about it, and I really belive that God is telling me that it's time for this particular thing to be over.
Piano. For quite a while now, I've been toying with the idea of stopping my piano lessons. I simply don't have the necessary time to devote to it anymore. Seriously, I haven't turned in a good practice card since sometime last spring. My schedule is so crazy, that by the time I get a spare moment to practice, I'm exhausted and don't practice well anyways. With a regular teacher, I could probably still pull it off, but with the upper-level teacher that I have, and the competitions I'm attempting to prepare for, I simply don't put in enough time to even fake my way through my lessons, much less a competition. And besides, I've found my niche in music. And it's not classical competitions anymore. It's doing what I do on Wednesday nights with John and Danny and Terry and Britton. It's worship. And with the training I have, I can do that. I can read a piece of music. I can count rhythm. And I'm learning how to chord, but not from my lessons. This is real-life music. I don't think that all those years of classical training were wasted, AT ALL! I think that God used them in a very real way to prepare me for what He's called me to do now. And that was part of a past season of my life.
Of course, not to mention all the money my parents are going to save. Trust me, Robin is NOT cheap!
I really do think that I'm making the right decision. But that doesn't mean that it's easy. Like the hardware store, piano lessons have been a part of my life, almost from the beginning, first with Lorraine, and then with Robin, two women who shaped me into the musician I am today. And it's been good. Piano has been a very good thing in my life. But good things have to end too, and I think it's time.
I think I'm going to talk to my parents tomorrow. Tears are clogging my throat as I write this; it's going to be hard to actually do it. But I need to. It's time. It's time to move on. Grow up a little more, as much as I hate the thought of that. Move on.
Mood: -----
Music: None
1 comment:
I can so understand how you felt about this. Life, when it changes, FREAKS ME OUT! Like, I don't handle it very well, I don't think! But you are so right - God doesn't let that darkness last forever. Daylight WILL come ("I want to see, illuminate me"... That song stemmed from that feeling of darkness I felt last fall!). And when it DOES come, you'll have grown in the process, and you'll see that you aren't different, but "your eyes are just a little bit wider now" (Stephen Speaks), so you'll see even better. Wow, I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I hope it does! I'm also praying that your "illumination" will come SOON, if not already! And I'm sorry for being lax and not clueing in on the fact that you needed a good support system! You bless me in so many ways, Carrie! Thanks for that!
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