Hello, I Am . . .

Whoever said that counseling is only for crazy people was a big, fat liar.  Even though I've never until recently had to use professional counseling for myself, I've always been a big fan.  I've always thought there was something cool about having a really smart person that would sit and give you their undivided attention for an hour or so at a time and help guide you through discovering answers to your problems.  Yes, counselors are great at dealing with what we would think of as the "big" problems like major depression, suicide, self-injury, abuse, and things of that sort, but they're also a great resource for when life just seems to be piling up on you and the anxiety and stress seem too overwhelming to tackle.

As an RA, I've recommended counseling to residents and friends and have been fortunate enough to have never been a victim of too much of the old-fashioned stigmas that can go along with it.  "Oh, counseling is only for crazy people.  You're one step away from the mental hospital if you have to go there."  False.  A lot of people that take advantage of the counseling services that colleges offer are pretty normal students like you and me.  It is SO helpful to have someone with a caring, compassionate heart that makes you feel like you are the most important person in the world at that moment, just sit and listen.

I'll admit though, sending that email to set up an appointment was scary.  Actually walking down there and saying to the receptionist (who is a former floormate of mine), "I'm here for my appointment with Stephanie," was also scary and very humbling.  (Oh the joys of a small school where everyone knows everyone, right? :))  Sitting outside her office filling out the questionnaire and watching people that I knew walk by?  Another humbling experience.  The thought kept running through my mind, "I wonder what these people think is wrong with me?  Do they think I'm a psycho crazy person who probably shouldn't be an RA?"  But then I realized that I know a lot of people who I respect greatly that have gone through the counseling program and do I think that they're crazy and weird?  Of course not!  And you know what else?

We all have problems.  None of us have it all together.

I've come to the conclusion that the sooner we can admit that, the more healthy we can be.  Trying to keep up the facade of perfection is exhausting.  And it's a lie.  And I don't want to live my life as a liar!  This is something we talked a lot about during RA training this year, and I think I'm finally starting to grasp a little bit of it and put it into practice.  Especially those of us who spend large portions of our lives pouring into other people desperately need someone to keep US sane.  For me, Stephanie is the only safe person in my life right now that can do that.

Hello . . . I am Carrie.
I am not perfect.
I get overwhelmed with life.
I struggle to mend difficult relationships.
I am lonely.
I need other people.
I can't do this on my own, and I'm not supposed to.
I am not crazy.
But I do need help.
And that is ok.

This is what I hope for.

A friend of mine posted these lyrics on her blog today, and I'm copying them.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

I wish I could say that my peace is flowing like a river these days, but it's not.  It's more like drought season around here.  The sorrows like sea billows rolling?  That's more like it.  


But I want to be able to say that no matter what comes, it is well with my soul.  Of course in the one sense, it IS well with my soul in the fact that I have eternal hope in Christ.  But the day-to-day "wellness" is sorely lacking.


Mood:  Worn out.
Music:  None.

Bathroom Thoughts 2

“Consider it a great joy, my brothers,

whenever you experience various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith

produces endurance.  But endurance must

do its complete work, so that you may be

mature and complete, lacking nothing.

- James 1:2-4

Trials.  They’re not exactly what we wish for when we plan out our futures, but like it or not, we all have them.  Some are bigger than others, but even the small ones can build up over time and make this journey we call life pretty difficult.

I don’t know about you, but at times during this last month, I’ve felt pretty discouraged, overwhelmed, exhausted, (insert your chosen word here).  A friend brought me back to this verse in James one day, and it really helped change my perspective on how I should be responding when things get tough.  I had been trying to just “plow through” and merely survive the first month of school, but I realized that God had better plans than just my survival.  When I opened up my eyes and looked around, I could see some incredible opportunities for me to grow in my dependence on Christ and in how I was learning to love other people and in a myriad of other areas.  By just trying to survive, I was missing the valuable part of my “trials.” 

James 1 tells us to not just survive, but to “consider it a great joy!”  Why?  Because we want to build endurance, and building endurance hurts.  No one wakes up one morning and decides to run a marathon that day.  It takes months of training and preparation that can be unpleasant at times.  But the payoff is pretty exhilarating.

And isn’t that payoff our goal?  I want to be mature and complete in Christ, lacking nothing, and according to this verse, that doesn’t come through the mountaintop experiences, but through the valleys. 

So when you’re feeling like the trials just keep piling up, remember that you’re building endurance.  Look for what God is trying to teach you through difficult circumstances.  And reach out to those around you.  We’re in this together.  Each one of us is an adopted daughter of God, so you know what that makes us?  Sisters.