15 Minutes

Sometimes I really do think I am a touch ADD.  If you were to look through the folder on my computer where I keep my writing, you'd be amazed at how much half-written stuff I have stored away in there.  I have great moments of inspiration while I'm driving or while I'm at work - anyplace where I can't sit down and write, really - but once I'm home in front of my computer all I want to do is check my Facebook, watch Modern Family, or sleep.

Ok, maybe I'm not ADD.  Maybe I'm just lazy.

I have moments of inspiration that apply to other things besides writing though.  On those days when I have too much time to think while doing a mindless task (i.e. folding laundry at work or vacuuming at the church) I plan on making big, sweeping, positive changes to my life.  I will be super spiritual and use all of my commute to and from work to pray, or I will completely clear out and reorganize my closets, or I will sit down and write my autobiography when I get home, or I will send encouragement cards to all of my old hall girls, or I will re-read all of the books that were assigned to me in college, and actually read them slowly this time, etc, etc, etc . . .

And then I never do any of it, because it's just too big of a task to start.  And friends, this is not a new phenomenon.  This has been going on for years. 

So I finally decided a few weeks ago that I could do anything for 15 minutes, right?  Way back when I was commuting to community college every day I tried the whole "pray while you drive" thing, and it almost killed me.  Literally.  I couldn't stay awake, and I nearly drove off the road.  So I modified it a little, and for the last few weeks, I've been praying for the first 15 minutes of my drive (approximately from my house to Napavine) and so far so good.  After the 15 minutes are up, I can turn on the radio and sing my heart out to keep myself awake.

There's a writer buried in me somewhere, and every once in a while he makes a valiant effort to dig his way out, but he usually gets reburied by a big 'ole shovelful of Facebook, sleep, or Grey's Anatomy.  So this weeks goal is to set a timer every night and just write for 15 minutes.  After the 15 minutes are up, I can watch Grey's.  Who knows?  Maybe I'll finally finish some of the stuff buried in that writing folder and maybe some of it will even make its way on to my blog.  Stay tuned.

I'm not good at big, sweeping life changes.  They stress me out and any sort of change in my schedule tends to bother my little OCD brain.  But I can do just about anything (except maybe run) for 15 minutes at a time, so we'll see if these little changes can build on top of each other and maybe create some bigger changes in my life.  It's a well known fact that I hate change, good or bad.  But 15 minutes?  Sure, I'll try that.

The New Normal

For the last several weeks, I've been devouring this book, Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist.  I love her real-life writing style, her painful honesty, and the truth that life can be both horribly bitter and amazingly sweet all at the same time.  Throughout the whole book I kept wanting to underline and hi-light and circle stuff, and every time I was disappointed that I couldn't because it belongs to the library.

This is a quote that I wrote down while I was reading though, (ok, I actually typed it into my iPhone) and it's been rolling through my head all day.  It does a good job of summing up how I feel as of late.

I was afraid . . . that it would always be like that.  I was afraid that this was the new normal, that seasons of lightness and peace were over in my life, and this brittle, fractured way of living would last forever.